Lately, I have been troubled by the recent personal pain of the "Don't Touch My Junk" guy, and any man who is upset by too-familiar airport security pat-downs. So I have arrived at a solution that I think will be acceptable to most men. That is, to do this delicate job, the TSA hires well-built, scantily-clad young women.
This is a perfect opportunity for Hooters® to hire out their waitresses for extra work, and pocket a nice commission. Or to avoid the additional cost, the TSA could do their own hiring, although I wouldn't trust them to do the best picking. This also might be an excellent case where politicians could do a better job, as they seem to do a great job in picking their own young mistresses.
And finally, all travellers would be given their choice of available pat-down agents. After all, we all want travelling to be a pleasant and customizable experience.
(Special Note: This was posted prior to my finding out about Saturday Night Live's spoof).